Where a wai fits into Thai culture is a complicated issue linked to the many levels of status that will be impossible to a foreigner to ever understand on every level. The role of multi-faced status on every interaction in Thailand is complicated to an outsider but to Thais is second nature. You don’t have to learn all that for a brief stay, but a basic understanding goes a long way for being polite and avoiding embarrassing cultural blunders.

On the most basic level, the wai is a greetting and a symbol of respect. The most basic and most common form is sort of like a praying gesture about chest or chin level with the head slightly bowed towards your hands and a smile on your face.

One of the biggest mistakes you can make (and I did it myself) is show up wai’ing and bowing to every person you meet. While you might think that big grin on your face makes you look endearing and that you are respecting the culture, what you are really doing is humiliating people.

Who you wai depends on who you are. You should always wai someone who wais you first. Unless you are a monk, it is horribly rude not to. But initiating the gesture is a completely different matter altogether.

Generally, people initiate a wai with people who are older than them or have more status. That’s why walking into a restaurant and doing this to the waitress will often cause a look of shock to emerge on their face or at best a nervous smile (sometimes hard to interpret in a Thai). No matter the response, they might look happy, but you have seriously messed up.

Especially Americans don’t understand status as Thais do, but to them it is a deeply imbedded part of the culture and vastly important. Americans want everyone to be on an equal plane. That’s not Thai reality, and you are not in Kansas anymore, Toto, so respect their ways. You are not doing anyone any favors by pretending they are higher status than they are.

As a farang, you’re already imbued with higher status, even if you washed dishes for a year to pay for your trip. They don’t see that. They see a white-skinned foreigner with the money to travel.

If someone is older than you, especially if they are a lot older, you are almost always okay to wai them. This a great show of respect and understanding of their culture. NEVER wai someone younger than you. Never. Simple as that. Also, if you are leaving a party, dinner, or some other group occasion and are leaving early, stop and excuse yourself with a wai and a big smile.

The rest of the time, you have to rely on your judgment, which you will gain over time if you choose to stay. After being in Thailand for a while, you will start to pick up on the behaviors of people in the presence of an important person. When you are introduced, you will pick up the vibes immediately and find yourself automatically doing a wai first. You’ll be amazed at how much this pleases people when you get it right.

That said, the best rule of thumb is to hold off, at least until you know Thailand really well. Wait and see what they do. If they are meant to go first, they will likely beat you to it every time, but keep in mind many won’t even bother because they know you don’t understand. For that same reason, a high status individual will not likely be bothered by your failure to do so either.

So really, being conservative with this until you understand it is best. There are varying degrees of a wai that go as far as to bowing so deep your head touches the ground or even getting down in a lying position. This is far beyond a foreigner’s comfort zone or understanding. Whether you want to be that immersed in the culture is up to you, but you are treading eggshells if you don’t know what you’re doing.

As far as handshakes go, this isn’t a traditional Thai gesture and many are hesitant to do so as they worry about germs. But this is another way many Thais are compensating for the clueless farang, and I find certain Thais who are particularly interested in Western culture and speaking English will go to great lengths to shake my hand.

So the best things to remember with the wai is to err on the side of caution by evaluating closely before initiating (better most times to not do it at all), never wai people younger or obviously at a perceived lower status than you, and never fail to return a wai. If your hands are full, simply lifting them in the position with the closest you can get to a wai is considered very polite and a great effort on your part.

Thai culture is very unique and fascinating, but they are also more sensitive to the nuances of social dynamics then we are. Furthermore, they will almost never speak up or even falter when you mess up, even if they are cringing inside. Thus, many of us travelers blunder clumsily through their country, disrespecting elders, embarrassing the help, and pretty much stomping on their social customs.

Try to be more aware than that. A wai is a symbol of deep respect and should be treated as such. Take it seriously, but enjoy your trip!