It’s no secret to most people that Thailand is known for go-go bars and massage parlors. The average Western male comes here with ideas of red lights and grinding hips, and all that follows. As a result, many have the completely wrong idea about what Thai girls are all about, and it’s important to keep some perspective. The average tourist who never pulls his ass off a barstool down in Phuket, Bangkok, or Pattaya is naturally exposed only to a certain type of girls, so that’s all he sees.
But here are 5 things you’ve all wrong about Thai ladies.
1. Not All Thai Girls Are Working Girls
Not by a long shot, and most guys are probably at least have enough common sense to realize that much. Yet they still apply the same lens to every other woman they meet and assume they’re just like those girls they meet in the bar. Which brings up the other 4 points.
2. Not All Thai Girls Want Your Money
This is a myth that goes well beyond the bar, and sure, money is a definite real factor in Thai relationships. That doesn’t mean, however, that it is the defining factor of ALL relationships—just look at how many women in Thailand fall in love with a Thai man their age who isn’t so well off.
Not to mention that there is a whole class of society in Thailand that would look at your money and scoff. Rich Thais have more money than you could ever dream of having, and the most elite women would not be caught dead, let alone allowed, dating a farang. I’m not saying the reasons are just or right, but it helps to keep a little perspective and realize you’re not the prize you think you are.
3. Not All Thai Girls Are Easy
While younger Thais have certainly become a little more promiscuous over the years, many men in Thailand consider it common knowledge that they’ll have to spend a long time courting a decent woman before she’ll ever consider sleeping with you. For many, it could still mean waiting for marriage.
And even if there is a chance of sleeping together sooner, for Thais the most important thing is keeping up that public image. Touching women in public or making out in front of others is pretty taboo, so keep your hands to yourself, especially if you haven’t spent enough time together to know the boundaries. Even touching a Thai woman’s upper arm can be overstepping the boundaries.
4. Not All Thai Girls Like Western Men
Can you blame them after the portion of us they’ve grown accustomed to seeing? For many Thais, being seen with a Western man is the ultimate embarrassment. Again, I’m not condoning this kind of prejudice, but it’s a real part of Thai culture. So even if you aren’t an overweight, balding expat over here trying to get the most bang for your buck, you still won’t have access to a huge section of the dating pool.
5. Not All Poor Thai Girls Want or Need the Above Either
A lot of what I’ve mentioned above especially applies to the middle and upper classes, but it’s important to give the poor classes of Thailand some respect too and acknowledge that many of them never resort to working as prostitutes or even looking to some Westerner to save them. Many work hard their entire lives to do their part for their family without lowering their morals.
Others marry a quiet, humble Thai man, whether he has money or not, and is happy with her decision. You see, money might be more important here in many ways, but it’s also easier to be happy here with less.
So keep these things in mind when you’re visiting this beautiful country. Maintain a little perspective, try to step out of the front beach bars, and make sure you leave your beer goggles in there where you found them. Because the lenses of those glasses don’t quite keep things in perspective the way they should.
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This is the best article I have read on this subject. There are too many disgusting western men trying to take advantage of nice Thai girls (well most of them anyway).
There are too many, it’s sad. But I’m sure there are a few Thai girls who are out to take advantage of tourists as well. I’m not saying that makes it ok, because I really do find it repulsive.
Thanks for the comment! Another really interesting point though is that studies show something like 95% of the sex trade in Thailand is for Thai men and not Western men–so, it is a real part of the culture that initially had nothing to do with Westerners. Just like people in America flock to Nevada for legal prostitution (or SF for not so legal), I guess sex tourists just head where it’s either legal or tolerated.
It repulses me too and I can’t stand to be in those environments, but the best way to avoid it is to avoid going to big hot centers, like Pattaya, Patong, and certain areas of Bangkok. That and certain Thai karoake bars that are obviously there for a reason.
One thing I’ve noticed is that in an environment with a lot of foreigners, the prostitutes look and act completely different, and the men who don’t know the ins and outs of Thai culture grope all over them, disrespect them, etc. Thai men don’t do that because it’s frowned on.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not condoning prostitution of any kind no matter how they behave, but it’s easier to for us to be repulsed when an old white guy is sliming all over an obvious prostitute then when an older Thai man who could be her grandfather or sugar daddy for all we know is just sitting there quietly enjoying a drink in an everyday kind of place. So sometimes when it’s not so obvious it’s still going on right underneath our noses.
Another eye-opening point is that tons of Japanese and Chinese men come here for sex tourism as well–as well as men from certain parts of Africa. Many of the men from these cultures, from my observations (which are limited, I must admit) have fewer qualms with economic relationships of all forms. Just a little perspective that it’s not just the whiteboys–that’s just what the average Western traveler sees.
Yep, Kimberley, they’re definitely out there, and any man in the dating scene here definitely does need to be aware of being vulnerable and use a little common sense. In my experience, it’s not really all that hard to tell the difference as a lot of guys make it out to be–although the language barrier can make it hard to figure out what’s going on.
My advice to any guy thinking about dating in Thailand is to meet women who have their own money and their own career–someone that is more like them in lifestyle and intellect. I’m not saying there aren’t some great women that live out in the country here that probably have great hearts as well–but maybe just never had the financial and educational opportunities that we did–but for most (at least younger) Western men who are open-minded enough to be traveling around the world, there isn’t really going to be much common ground there to begin with.
So guys, find someone who speaks decent English, has preferably traveled a little, and has their own income. A lot more chance of success, IMHO. You probably wouldn’t date prostitutes or people who had a first grade education and didn’t speak your language in your own country, so why in the world would you do it here?
To be clear, I’m not meaning to look down on women from poor, rural environments (many of who have still managed to get an education and a good career) or even women who have resorted to prostitution for whatever reason. Most all women no matter their life situation deserve respect, but a little common sense is in order.
What a load of crap. Of course MOST Thais are not interested in western men, but if you go to Bangkok, you will see hundreds of fat grey haired western men with gorgeous girls on their arm. The girls get to go to expensive resturants (and often invite their family along) as well as going to expensive shopping malls to get things they would not normally afford.
While no doubt the majority of gorgeous Thai girls are not interested in dating western men, those that are interested are more than plentiful, and hanging around in the bars that western men frequent, particularly around the Sukhumvit business area and Kao San Road. I don’t think that western men would probably venture into the Thai residential areas to look for women anyway. Yes it may be immoral, yes you may disagree with it, but if a man wants to date a good looking Thai girl, he just needs to walk into the right bar and ask (not just hostess bars either). I stayed in Thailand with my English girlfriend by the way, but I witnessed this every day.
Yes, but are the girls hanging around these bars in Skhumvit and Kao San Road interested in the white men just because it’s their preference or because of other reasons? I’m sure there are plenty of Thai women who are interested in white men, (and I don’t mean interested in them for their money) but I don’t think that a large number of the bar girls in these areas fall into that category. Typically the women who hang out in those areas are after foreign men because they will spend money on them. I think that if a man picked up a Thai women in one of these bars it would be hard to tell if her affection for him was genuine.
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Yeah right… there are plenty of Thai girls who have been preying on white men for doggone years … plenty to go around for whites to devour – have bahts, can have fun!!
Yes, of course there are plenty of Thai girls who prey on Western men, and that doesn’t make the situation any better, but it does not mean that ALL Thai women are like that.
Your use of the word devour is less than respectful. And if you call fraternizing with prostitutes “having fun” then you are a part of the problem.
Very many men go to Thailand and fall in love with a thai bar girl and don’t understand what went wrong when she cuts him off… poor guys…
Great article, and I love the book you are linking to! Bought it a while ago.
I recommend reading it!
Keep up the good work!
Steve
Greetings from Singapore! Nice article by the way. Well, girls over here are kind of worst then what most people think about Thailand. Not in the sense of bar girls and such etc. but more likely to describe about culture and lifestyle, i would say in a small island-country like this things gets around pretty quick. As most average/nice girls here are very material, they coming over for your credits and posh car if you had one based on my own experience.
Now I had settle down with a thai wife married for years and had a kid currently residing with me of coz, we knew each other from chonburi (near pattaya). Anyway I can say that I have come easy with my lifestyle, no stress, have nice thai food daily, everything comes easy including my own pocket. They are looking toward comfortable living more then wealth.
Singaporean are high paced country and everyone one looking toward how to earn more and comparing each other’s wealth at most time. And most people from 3rd world are not able to keep up with the pace here. So any one who are able to reside here without worries and other people are having good positive mindsets. I see very little Thais over here. That explains why i love my wife. We share the same culture. Like we both are buddhism, be natural and low profiles, had stir fried foods unlike grilled food and burgers daily, what mainly Asian blood had
we communicate in Thai (she tought me and i learned myself) so there is no conflict and easy to understand each other.
if you go other parts of Thailand like chonburi, southern Thai non tourist attractions and such you will not going to see westerners around, people there often mistaken me as thai people, and the fact that i can speak thai too. well there are many fair skin Thai people around too
Hi Steve,
Thanks, I’m glad you like the article, and the book too. They are both aimed at helping people understand what’s really going on with the whole bar girl situation, and James did a great job of getting some very important facts out there.
Thanks for the comment Willy.
I’m so glad that you found someone who makes you happy, sounds like the two of you have a very loving relationship. Buddhism is one of the things that attracted me to Thailand. The natural and low profile lifestyle you described is hard to find in other parts of the world.
Howdy,
I met my wife in Thailand. We were married last year, Im fairly young 24 and met her in a bar. She is great and pretty young also, actually 1 year older. I am not rich and she knew that from day one. I actually wanted to marry a Thai lady and went there looking to find a partner for life. It was very difficult. Your normal Thai girl is pretty shy and hard to approach. I spent 1 month looking (not in bars) and came up short. Without Thai friends or connections inThailand it was very difficult. On my last night there I went to a bar and met my wife, she is really amazing and its hard to believe that I found her where I did. She told me most girls that work in bars are nice and respectful but just really need the money and normally lack a full education.
I asked her wether the young Thai ladies that get around with the old gross looking fat tourists would actually love them,… she said yes why not? as long as they are nice to her and play a role in looking after her and her family most of them will genuinely love him forever. I do not know many white girls that would do that and it is strange to me. I never thought I would meet my wife in a bar in Thailand and some of you are going to judge me for it. I never used those bars for what they are, I took an amazing woman out of that environment and couldn’t be happier.