As the end of my long stay here in Thailand comes to an end (and I’m almost 100% sure it is not the last), I’m really coming to terms with the time that I’ve spent here. I feel a real sense of homesickness about leaving that I never really felt in America and still rarely feel about my childhood home—as if by leaving I’m leaving a part of myself behind. I’ve still got a little time to gather my money up before I go, but I’ve been thinking about some of the ways I’ve changed in the past couple years—not all are good changes in all ways, but they are what they are. Here are a few I’ve noticed so far:

1. I Have Forgotten About Time

Somehow I manage to run an online business, but half of the time (okay, maybe 75% or more), I have no clue what day it is or what time it is. My personal assistant, who lives in the Philippines, is constantly reminding me what day it is and what needs to be done. Time is just a dimension that isn’t quite as substantial here, and for me that works (albeit, it doesn’t exactly work for everyone I do business with).

I eat when I’m hungry. I eat when I’m tired. I go when I want to go. And that’s oh so Thai.

2. My Need for Solitude Nearly Vanished

I’ve always been an extreme independent. I always had lots of friends, but I was the kind of person who really needed to get my alone time, where I would read books, write, or just reflect on life. That part of me still exists a little bit, and I’d like to cultivate it more again, but in many ways I’ve finally become used to always having people at my side.

Like many of the Thais, everywhere I go I am with my friends until I make my way to my room at night, and I imagine it will take some getting used to the silence again.

3. You’d Have to Try to Run Me Over With a Car to Upset Me

Actually, come to think of it, I’ve been hit by a car twice on my motorbike and neither time did I get angry, so I suppose you’d have to intend to run me over with a car to upset me.

It’s really hard for me to get irritated or mad now. Minor inconveniences, like my internet going down for a day or the shop being a few days late on the promised date for a fixed motorbike, would be HIGHLY unlikely to shake me. I’ve really taken to the “mai bpen rai” attitude of the Thais, and although this cultural trait has at times been accused of being the reason many social injustices are allowed to go on, I feel it is an improvement in my case.

I still stand up for my beliefs when the time is right, but the things I cannot change are unlikely to upset my day.

4. I’m No Longer as Ambitious About Travel

Interestingly enough, my wanderlust has largely faded. This has been the biggest shock of all. I’ve always been the type who wanted to see as many countries and beautiful places on this planet as possible. Now, I have to scrape up the ambition to even leave town. It’s an odd feeling for someone who always felt they needed to leave when they were back home—always restless—but I can’t help feel it’s just out of sheer comfort.

I still plan to see many other places, and I’m hoping getting some miles under my feet will reawaken my thirst for travel—because there are certainly many places in this world well worth seeing. But here in Thailand it’s as if I’m in my own little bubble.

Time still ticks out there in the rest of the world. History continues to unfold and my family and friends go on living life without me. It’s not necessarily a good thing, but I’ve reached a point in my life where that’s out there and this is here…this is my life.

Such is Thailand, I suppose.