Thais are a gentle people.

Thais avoid conflict.

Thais are some of the most peaceful people in the world.

After all, this is the Land of Smiles.

Well, sort of…

These are the kinds of things you’ll read in guidebooks about visiting Thailand, and there is some truth to them, but the full truth is a little more complex. Behind the Thai smile lurks something more—a vicious, brutal temper that can and will explode if the right buttons are pushed.

It is not my intention to frighten you about traveling to Thailand, or anywhere else in the world for that matter. Neither is it my intention to put any people of this world into a box and attach labels. I love to travel, and I think it causes you to grow and evolve as a person. But I also know that I take on certain dangers by choosing to put myself in a foreign environment, and I think it is important to be aware of those dangers.

When it comes to Thailand and violence, it is my experience that most visitors are very much under the wrong impression of the reality here, and so I think it is important to set the record straight for those of you who will be coming for a holiday, and bringing your loud mouths and hot tempers with you.

Thais ARE a gentle people, both on a collective and, for the most part, individual level—if you never push them to the edge of their patience…But once you have gone too far you will find that the surface appearance is not what it seems (it rarely is), and that what you see as an innocent mistake on your part, especially something like yelling at someone, can lead to very dangerous situations.

In Thailand, saving face is a number one priority in every situation. It is not acceptable to show anger or cause a scene. You can go out every single night to Thai clubs and bars and never see a fight at all (unless you go to the bars where the Westerners hang out). That just isn’t the case in America and many European countries, where the men often have a problem with fighting after a few drinks.

This characteristic of almost never seeing a fight at a bar in Thailand is very refreshing to me. It is one of the reasons I feel so at ease in this country. I don’t have to worry about someone starting a fight just because that’s something they like to do or making a conscious effort to disrespect me. Even when I make the occasional cultural blunder, the Thai person will accept it and not even say a word.

You will doubtfully ever have to worry about someone going out of their way to start a problem with you in this country unless you’re around a bunch of drunken travelers. And so if it isn’t your nature to start problems with other people, that means there will be no problem.

So who gets the short end of the stick in Thailand? Typically, it’s the guy who thinks he has the long end of the stick and wants to wave it around. The one who is out looking for trouble and doesn’t realize they are going to get more than they bargained for. People take the Thai demeanor for granted or they simply don’t realize what a jerk they are when they’ve had too much to drink.

Bad things do happen to good people. Just as they do in the other countries of the world. Western style gang violence, muggings, and other random acts of violence do occur more frequently now, but as far as I know they are still more rare than in other countries.

And there are also the cultural mistakes. Culture is tricky because sometimes you can do something that seems like nothing to yourself but is shocking and outrageous to someone from another country. One common cultural mishap that can get ugly is when someone drops a coin and an uneducated Westerner tries to help by stopping it with their foot—in other words, simply trying to be courteous (in our reality). The problem with this BIG MISTAKE is due to two Thai cultural realities.

The first is that the Thais love and respect their king more than a Western writer could ever fully describe in words. The second is that the foot is the most unholy, filthy part of the human body. Therefore, what you have really done is disrespect the king the worst way possible in a country where you can be jailed for saying something critical about him. So be sure you understand a bit about the culture before you come here.

But even these cultural blunders, while they might take you very close to a physical altercation, are typically well-received, in in most cases you can back out of the jam with a genuine apology.

It is the bigger cultural blunders that get people hurt.

Most importantly, no matter how angry you get at a Thai person, whether it is because of a misunderstanding or because they are simply trying to rip you off, NEVER raise your voice and yell at them. This is the easiest way to start a fight. While getting in a loud verbal confrontation may be a normal way to vent anger in your country, it is absolutely NOT OKAY here.

And a one-on-one fight is simply not part of their reality. A fair fight of any kind is in many ways a Western ideal (one that rarely even occurs in the West). If you physically or verbally attack or fight with a Thai person, many others in the vicinity will see you as an attacker of Thai people in general, and you will quickly find yourself on the ground from punches being delivered from every direction. And if you think that’s where it ends, you’re sadly and dangerously mistaken.

Often, even a knockout doesn’t mean a finished fight in Thailand. Depending on what instigated the incident, once you are unconscious, those involved (or not) will continue to kick you in your face in the Thai streetfighting style. More often than not, getting in a fight in Thailand will end up with a foreigner in the hospital and sometimes dead. In many cases, other Thais will intervene and save you from being stomped to death, but intervening in someone else’s business is not a cultural norm, so do not depend on this, especially if you have really messed up.

Why this extreme violence in what is known as a peaceful culture? Is it because Thailand is an ethnocentric culture? Perhaps. Is it because of a simmering resentment for “rich” foreigners? Perhaps. Racism? Perhaps.  The product of a lifetime of hiding your feelings and not showing anger of any kind?  Perhaps.  None of that is really the point. You can’t rationalize your way out of a reality, and you chose to come spend time in this country, so be aware of what you are up against. You are an outsider to them, and the outsider is always wrong.

Whatever you take from this article, avoid violence at all costs. It’s really as simple as using some manners even in extreme situations.  Avoid visible anger at all costs.   It isn’t going to get you anywhere in this country except for seriously injured. It’s better to just swallow your pride, pretend you haven’t been bothered, and leave the situation. In fact, fleeing the scene of an accident or altercation is seen as a perfectly respectable thing to do in this country because it is the last attempt to save face and avoid a confrontation.

My advice is to use it to your advantage. If someone is visibly angry at you; it’s time to leave.

It’s easy to forget where you are. Thailand is a bit of a Disneyland for adults. But it is also a foreign country, and while it might seem to be like you’re not far from home because it has become so Westernized, the basic tenets of thought are about as different from yours as you can possibly find on this planet.

Your idea of fair does not belong in Thailand. Nor does your idea of right and wrong. Leave all that on the plane. Enjoy yourself, but stay aware of your surroundings and conduct yourself with dignity. Use the basic advice when it comes to who you fraternize with and at what hour of the day you decided to frequent certain places. You’ll always be welcomed with a smile in this country, and in the vast majority of cases you will never have a problem as long as you stay friendly and don’t make a drunken ass out of yourself.

Staying in Thailand for an extended period takes a certain amount of street smarts, and coming through for a short visit for some rude individuals is only successful due to Thai patience and a bit of luck. So use your manners, and realize you are a diplomat of sorts for whatever country you come from. I want to see you enjoy yourself, and I don’t want to see anyone get hurt. It’s not pretty. Don’t be paranoid when you’re here, but don’t be careless or rude either.

Your stay will be much better with a healthy, realistic perspective.